It’s crazy to think that this photo was taken over 9 months ago. It meant so much to me to represent that my precious baby, the one I was about to meet was my miracle baby, my rainbow baby. She was my rainbow that followed the storm, giving my husband and I hope.
I found that many women don’t typically talk about miscarriage, it’s either too painful, or filled with feelings of fear, sadness, self doubt and sometimes guilt. And after I had 3 miscarriages in a row, I had certainly started loosing hope. I began trying to accept the fact that we weren’t going to have anymore children. I thought maybe something was wrong with me. Or maybe I was being punished for something I had done. I still remember sitting in the doctor’s office, on that cold seat, while they performed the ultrasound. My heart sank when we didn’t see a heartbeat. Then after taking the measurements, I wasn’t measuring as far along as I should have been. I felt numb. I had already been through this. I felt warm tears roll down my cheeks, but I tried my hardest to hold it together. The second we got in the car, I cried so hard I couldn’t talk. I was crushed. The next day, our miscarriage started taking place naturally, and I mourned, yet again. I kept myself as busy and preoccupied as I could. It helped that we had our house up for sale, but it had been on the market for almost 6 months and it was beginning to look like we needed to take it off the market.
My husband and I decided to go to church to reconnect with God and to just be in His presence. Seconds before service started we got the call that we not only got an offer on our house, it was for full price! And just as I was experiencing my miscarriage, God provided me with my distraction. I focused on all the things we needed to do for the sale of our home, the purchase of our new home, and packing. Not to mention we had only 30 days to do all of this and I had a toddler running amuck.
After only being in our new house for a couple of weeks, I found out I was pregnant, again. We immediately went in to see the doctor and had an ultrasound. Lo and behold, there was a baby and a heartbeat 💗 We were 6 weeks pregnant! Somehow we had conceived immediately after our miscarriage. Talk about God at work. Even the doctor was surprised. To be honest though, I had mixed emotions. I felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff. The view was beautiful, but one wrong step and things may not be so beautiful. I tried to be optimistic and yet the fear of miscarriage lingered. Each appointment I hoped for the best, expected the worst. And each time I got good news, it was such a relief. I felt like I could breath a little bit better.
I know first hand how painful a miscarriage can be, both physically and emotionally. I also know that miracles are possible and you never know what God has in store for you. We have been incredibly blessed with the happiest, most smiley baby I have ever met. She is the perfect fit for my family. She brings me more smiles and joy than I ever thought was possible.